Everyone at least knows someone who has gotten divorced, but most know many and even have someone close to them that has been divorced. There are many things that happen in marriage that can cause contention, but the good news is that many of them can have positive outcomes instead of negative ones. In studies with married couples, it was found that the couple rates very high in marital satisfaction, and then an event causes that satisfaction to go down. What might that event be? Having their first child. Now wait don’t think that you don’t need to read any further because you can prevent that from simply not having kids at all.
Not only are we commanded to have kids, but if we choose to have kids then we are truly making the world a better place. This is because kids born in healthy home environments are better neighbors, spouses, and coworkers. They even help in the workplace, because when there are more young people in the workplace then we are better able to pay for the older generation, and they will be able to retire more easily. Now that we have established that having kids is a good thing to do, lets discuss why that satisfaction goes down, and how we can keep our marital satisfaction high even with having kids.
Like I said, after the first child is born, it has been statistically proven that the marital satisfaction goes down after their first child is born. After a time that satisfaction levels out, but then goes down and then levels out again with each additional child. Their marital satisfaction seems to be leveled off after their last child, and then goes up and then levels off as each child leaves the home. Here is an image to help you visualize!
So why does the child cause the satisfaction to go down? Well to start off, a child is a lot of work. All of a sudden both the mother and the father have a lot more work to take on, and if they couple isn’t careful then they tend to compare workloads and complain about the other not doing enough. With the new child the mother tends to show her love to the baby more than the husband, so he feels left out, and out of place.
But don’t worry, since we know what things can cause the marital satisfaction to go down with each child, we can know what to do to make it go up rather than down. The first thing that wives can do, is to keep the husband involved in pre-natal and post-natal check-ups. The mother is able to become so close to the child that she is carrying, but the father can too if given the opportunity. One way to do this is letting the father feel the baby kick when you do. Let him bond with child in the same way that you do. Once the baby is born, share the parenting tasks, bad and good. This can helps the father to feel involved! The second thing you can do is to make sure to be careful in how you discuss your concerns and worries. If you do it constructively then you are able to understand each other better. But also make sure that you are letting your spouse know what they are doing good, not just what they are doing wrong. In other words, show gratitude for things you appreciate them contributing. The last thing that I feel is very important to keep your marital satisfaction high, is to take time with each other. Still plan regular dates together so that you can truly let your spouse know your love for them.
By taking these simple steps we are able to change the outcomes of our marriage and become closer together. We don’t have to just accept trends the way they are, but rather if we work towards it, then we can change the trends of marriage for the better!
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