There are increasingly more and more couples divorcing in today’s world. There are lots of things that lead to their divorce. Many of these issues could have been resolved if they practiced communication and understanding among other things. In fact, 70% of couples say that they would and could have saved their marriage. Isn’t that crazy? Many people tend to think that divorce is the best option in failing relationships, but a majority of those couples that divorce end up regretting that decision.
Divorce isn’t just the actual act of no longer being with the person you married; it is divided up into six different stations. The first is Emotional Divorce. This is when you are still married, but you aren’t connected emotionally anymore and often feel distant from each other. The next is Legal Divorce. This is the proof or paperwork saying that you are no longer living together and responsible for each other. The third is Economic Divorce. This is when you no longer share your resources with one another, and there is a division of property. The next is Co-parental Divorce. This is the “dividing of children” which includes custody and visitation choices. The fifth one is Community Divorce, which is when they leave friendships or even the physical location in which they live. The last station of divorce is Psychic Divorce. This is when they recognize and accept that their marriage is over. This can take quite a long time for some people.
All of these different stages of divorce can cause so much pain in people’s lives. It doesn’t only affect themselves, it affects their children, other family members and even friends, no matter what decisions are made throughout the divorce.
So, what are some of the affects of divorce? Well, one thing that can be very hurtful is the division of kids. In past years, the kids always went to the mother unless the father could prove that they were unfit to raise the kids. But even though they weren’t allowed to have the kids live with him. We have laws set in place that the father has to provide child support for his kids even though he doesn’t get to see them very often. The amount they have to pay is often so much that they can’t provide for themselves in addition to the money they have to give towards that child support. As a result, the father often has to move farther away from his kids so that he can get a higher paying job just to pay everything.
But all of this doesn’t just affect the fathers, the children also have a hard time when their parents divorce. It is more prevalent today that kids have to be able to live with both parents equally, whether that it every other day, week, or month. Whatever the decision is, the kids aren’t getting the consistency that they need. They get mixed signals of what is expected of them, how they should act, and what is allowed in their homes, because now they don’t have to learn that for one household, but two. In addition to this some kids have to make the painful choice of who to live with. There have been many situations in which the judge will ask the child who they would rather live with. No matter what they choose there will be hurt feelings.
It is because of all of the hurt that divorce causes that I believe that there are very few instances in which we should ever even think of divorce. Marriage is hard so we need to think of it more as a way to work through problems and learn from each other. We need to be able to communicate and work through our problems, because not giving it our best effort to keep our marriages together can become one of our biggest regrets.
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