Becoming One as a Family

There are many theories surrounding marriage and or family. Each try to explain the phenomenon (happenings whether big or small) that go on within the family or marriage. By recognizing what is going on, we are better able to handle the situation at hand. When we are able to do this, we are not only able to better understand each other, but our relationships are strengthened! While talking about different theories this past week, there were two main concepts that I found to be most important; the importance of boundaries and roles within the family, as well as how best to deal with differences in marriage and become one.

In marriage there is always conflict, so how can we take those differences so that you can grow closer together over farther apart? As a society we have become so individualized that we tend to want to think only of ourselves, and focus on our side of the story, but in marriage you need to become one. When there is a disagreement, a husband and wife need to turn to each other vs friends or family. This is not to say you can’t turn for help when needed, but if you need help you really should be turning to each other as a couple rather than as an individual. This strengthens your ‘oneness’ as a husband and wife vs drawing you farther apart.

A lesson that I think our Heavenly Father taught us about life, is how there is a point in life that we need to move on, or in other words to change our roles. Just like Heavenly Father sent us to earth, away from Him so that we could learn and grow, it is important that once you get married, you learn to define your own rules and take on the new roles. There are many roles we take on in different settings, but the most important roles we could ever take on, is the one as husband/wife and father/mother. These roles need to be above any other role we take on in life, even the roles as son/daughter or brother/sister. Husband and wife need to be one as they take on their role as parents. Doing this will not only strengthen the marriage, but enforce the rules and boundaries they decide to set for their family.

Rules/ boundaries are very important things to have in a family because of the structure that it gives. Boundaries make it so you know what is expected of you, and help the family to function well together. There are three main types of boundaries. The first are closed boundaries. These boundaries are where you don’t let any outside influence into your family. In the case of closed boundaries, you are very closed off from the world and extremely private. The next are open boundaries. This is where there is no determination on where to draw the line. In open boundaries you are typically very interactive with the outside environment. In other words, you let just about any outside influence into your family. Those two boundaries are to the extreme, and aren’t healthy for your family as a whole. The last boundary is clear boundaries. This is the healthiest of boundaries and is the middle ground between the two extreme boundaries. Clear boundaries help children know what is allowed and what isn’t. This gives structure to the family without being closed off from the world, and still allows for learning and growth. To me this emulates how we are given commandments. They aren't there to keep us from doing things that in this world are considered fun or cool, but are there to keep us safe!

To summarize, marriages are healthiest when you try and work out your differences together. As you do, you will be able to strengthen each other and then be able to strengthen your family. We need to follow our Heavenly Father’s example to us and set healthy boundaries for our families to follow so that they can be safe.