Becoming One as a Family

There are many theories surrounding marriage and or family. Each try to explain the phenomenon (happenings whether big or small) that go on within the family or marriage. By recognizing what is going on, we are better able to handle the situation at hand. When we are able to do this, we are not only able to better understand each other, but our relationships are strengthened! While talking about different theories this past week, there were two main concepts that I found to be most important; the importance of boundaries and roles within the family, as well as how best to deal with differences in marriage and become one.

In marriage there is always conflict, so how can we take those differences so that you can grow closer together over farther apart? As a society we have become so individualized that we tend to want to think only of ourselves, and focus on our side of the story, but in marriage you need to become one. When there is a disagreement, a husband and wife need to turn to each other vs friends or family. This is not to say you can’t turn for help when needed, but if you need help you really should be turning to each other as a couple rather than as an individual. This strengthens your ‘oneness’ as a husband and wife vs drawing you farther apart.

A lesson that I think our Heavenly Father taught us about life, is how there is a point in life that we need to move on, or in other words to change our roles. Just like Heavenly Father sent us to earth, away from Him so that we could learn and grow, it is important that once you get married, you learn to define your own rules and take on the new roles. There are many roles we take on in different settings, but the most important roles we could ever take on, is the one as husband/wife and father/mother. These roles need to be above any other role we take on in life, even the roles as son/daughter or brother/sister. Husband and wife need to be one as they take on their role as parents. Doing this will not only strengthen the marriage, but enforce the rules and boundaries they decide to set for their family.

Rules/ boundaries are very important things to have in a family because of the structure that it gives. Boundaries make it so you know what is expected of you, and help the family to function well together. There are three main types of boundaries. The first are closed boundaries. These boundaries are where you don’t let any outside influence into your family. In the case of closed boundaries, you are very closed off from the world and extremely private. The next are open boundaries. This is where there is no determination on where to draw the line. In open boundaries you are typically very interactive with the outside environment. In other words, you let just about any outside influence into your family. Those two boundaries are to the extreme, and aren’t healthy for your family as a whole. The last boundary is clear boundaries. This is the healthiest of boundaries and is the middle ground between the two extreme boundaries. Clear boundaries help children know what is allowed and what isn’t. This gives structure to the family without being closed off from the world, and still allows for learning and growth. To me this emulates how we are given commandments. They aren't there to keep us from doing things that in this world are considered fun or cool, but are there to keep us safe!

To summarize, marriages are healthiest when you try and work out your differences together. As you do, you will be able to strengthen each other and then be able to strengthen your family. We need to follow our Heavenly Father’s example to us and set healthy boundaries for our families to follow so that they can be safe.

The Great and Spacious Building

While doing Come Follow Me this week, I couldn't help but make connections to what we learn from Lehi's vision of the tree of life and how it associates to the world today. To be more specific, how the great and spacious building could be all of the lies we are told in our society and how if you don't agree with those views you are ‘mocked’ to the point of feeling ashamed for believing what you do. The example that I want to focus on right now is how having children, specifically more than one or two, is frowned upon. It has become so normal to want only one child, or even none at all. And how people don’t realize the importance of the family.

          Did you know that here in the U.S. fertility rates are at an all time low? There are many factors that go into this. The first is what people call the demographic revolution. What that is, is the fact that people are choosing material things in life to give them happiness over children and families. It is found that as economies become richer and prosper materially, that people choose to not have children.

         Another cause of decline in fertility rates is the fact that there is a change in the roles for women. Now there was a lot of good that came from women’s rights. Women were able to vote and seen as equals. They were able to gain an education, and be empowered to realize that they have potential and worth, but as women sought education, many choose to pursue a career over marriage and families. This causes problems later in life when they decide to seek marriage and family later in life, because as women get older, they are less likely to conceive and be able to have a healthy pregnancy. The world is telling us that we need to focus on our career and that choosing to get married and raise a family is stifling our growth as a person and not rising to our full potential and gratification that a successful career can give. We get so caught up in ourselves, that we don’t stop to think about others.

The biggest reason that we have a decline in fertility however, is because of how the world is trying to change marriage and family norms. Many people don’t realize all of the good that having a strong family can have. In fact, there is more economic growth in countries where there are more traditional families (families where the mother and father are married and living together in the home). Other nations are realizing the effect that low fertility rates have on their countries and are now offering cash incentives to families willing to have children. Italy offers $15,000 per child, Japan $5,000, and Russia is offering $9,000 plus $140 per month and part of the woman’s pay if she stays in the home to raise the children.

Many of the goals that we want as a nation start with the family. We want strong women with good educations? Well girls who are in stable intact families are less likely to have a teen pregnancy and will be more likely to succeed in their education. But it isn’t just girls. Children as a whole are less likely to be into drugs and alcohol, are less likely to be abused, have depression, or need therapy, and are more likely to seek higher education. This is because the family is the place where we are taught how to trust and cooperate with others, learn our moral principles and our conscience is laid.

People don’t realize the importance of intact families and the impact of not having children will have on our countries. We need to strive for marriage and family because it helps the nation to grow economically. The more children we have as a nation, the more we will be able to learn from each other and solve world problems. And to ensure that those children are able to excel to their full potential, we need strong intact families that can be the support system we need to succeed in life!

Families can be together forever, so let's make them strong!

Hey everyone, my name is Chalese Flamm and I am currently going to BYU-I! I am taking a Family Relations course in which I hope to learn how to strengthen my current family as well as prepare for a strong future one. I know that families can be together forever and that it is our job to help one another to reach our end goal of returning to live with our Heavenly Father again. Follow along with me in learning how we can build and strengthen our forever families!